Sorry this post is so long, but this needs to be said. I’m a self-described music connoisseur, and when it comes to well-written songs and highly skilled artists, I’m almost certain I think I know what I’m talking about.
Modern music has produced some of the worst songwriting in the history of rhythm, but the biggest offender? Alanis Morissette, specifically on the third single from Jagged Little Pill, “Ironic”. While I honestly enjoy the music of Ryan Reynolds’s former fiancée, there are still some things that need to be said about this song.
It’s a death row pardon two minutes too late. | That’s a better example of the judicial system failing. Luckily, we have very reliable technology that can prevent an innocent man from being put on death row.
It’s like rain on your wedding day. | Some comedian on VH1 or MTV said something to the effect of, “It would only be ironic if you were from Seattle but were getting married in New Mexico, and it just so happened to rain in New Mexico on your wedding day, but not in Seattle.” That is the definition of irony, Alanis.
It’s a free ride when you’ve already paid. | Did you not see the sign when you got in line? It says right there that this ride’s free. You’re just dumb for letting someone trick you into paying for it.
It’s the good advice that you just didn’t take. | Wait, you knew you were getting good advice, and you didn’t take it? That’s on you, pal.
Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly… He waited his whole damn life to take that flight, and as the plane crashed down he thought, “Well isn’t this nice…” | So you’re telling me a guy who is afraid to fly has been looking forward to one flight in particular for his entire life? I don’t believe you.
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break. | Either this is day one for you on the job, or you just recently took a liking to cancer sticks and this is your first time taking a smoke break. Or, for some reason, the company just put that sign up today.
It’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife. | Where the hell d’you go for lunch? There’s no restaurant on Earth that has ten thousand spoons and not. one. single. knife.
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out. | Wait. What? Literally everything you just said was negative. None of this has been helpful, you silly, silly Canadian siren.