Hey, friend, I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you. The least you can do is put as much thumb-tapping time into this monotonous, back-and-forth, non-verbal, as-meaningful-as-text-messages-can-be chat as I am.
You: Yeah, so those are pretty much my thoughts on God, the afterlife, what happens to our souls after we pass on, why we’re all here and what we’re all doing – you know, what our true purpose on Earth is. I think I summed up pretty clearly what I want to do with my life. Like, my greatest ambitions and what will make me happiest in life. Now you know about everything that’s ever mattered to me.